


Dear Connor Murphy...

by toeto



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Pre-Series, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 02:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11568534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toeto/pseuds/toeto
Summary: Dear Connor Murphy,WHAT THE HELL MAN?!You were friends with Evan Hansen? Since when?!Please don't tell me that you were mean to me all this time because you had Evan!You gay or something?I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!SINCERELY, ME.





	Dear Connor Murphy...

_Click. Click._

_Scrolling..._

**Touching Story Between Two Unlikely Friends**

 

“ _Dear Evan Hansen…_ ”

“ _Dear Connor Murphy…_ “

 

Your heart skipped a beat as your eyes strained themselves on the pixelated screen, suddenly interested in this strange shared post. It seems like the collection of letters had been circulating around your newsfeed for quite some time, since just about everyone on your friends list has either commented or shared it themselves.

You, on the other hand, haven’t had the time of day to really squeeze yourself in someone else’s problems — so this would be your first time seeing them.

You’ve been avoiding all social media for a while, now that you think about it. But this post about some Evan Hansen kid buzzed around the neighborhood and was the literal talk of the town. So the name was all too familiar already, and it was bringing you some bad vibes.

 

“ The Connor Murphy Project? “ Your voice, an inaudible whisper escaped your lips.

 

_Scrolling…_

_Click. Click._

 

“ _Dear Connor Murphy,_

_Yes, I also miss our talks..._ “

 

Nah, your heart was more-or-less starting to clench and squeeze at this point. The name rang a bell that sounded a lot like summer wind chimes. Nostalgic, airy, and — kind of dream-like.

 

“ Trying to save… The Apple Orchard, huh? “ You squinted at the fine print. A fundraiser in loving memory of Connor Murphy, who committed suicide nearly a month ago.

 

Did your heart stop, or did you stop breathing?

A sudden wave of flashbacks came pouring into your mind. Memories you thought were gone forever.

 

“ No, it’s gotta be some other Connor… “

 

However, you were proven wrong the very second you _hoped to God_ that it wasn’t _the Connor Murphy_ you were suddenly remembering. Collages of Connor’s face decorated the Facebook group.

It would’ve been comical if he were alive.

The image of a brooding boy hiding his face with his long hair came to mind. He was skipping class as per-usual and smoking behind the school building all alone.

On that particular day, you decided to skip. You didn’t study for a Biology test and thought it’d be easier to just buy yourself an extra day or two through this.

It was an accidental, awkward bump, and the stare-off was even more-so.

 

You shook away the feelings that started to bubble up in your chest. You buried those tender feelings a long time ago. They were non-existent.

And yet, you couldn’t help but pull up a new tab.

Your room, illuminated by the light of a small laptop on your bed, was still. You were hesitant, but went ahead and started to type into the search bar.

 

_Tap, tap, tap._

_Backspace, backspace…_

 

Is this really what you wanted to do?

You remembered Connor’s half-smile. It was a sight to see.

 

You felt your extremities start to tingle in anticipation, and you pulled up every last ounce of courage to start typing again.

You logged into an old email address you stopped using.

 

**_(23) Unread Emails_ **

 

“ Shit, “ you murmured. “ Shit…! “

 

Did you even want to read them now?

 

Subjectless emails. Only one person would write emails without subjects.

You fondly remembered a deadpan Connor staring into your eyes. His lips barely parted as he said, “ subjects in emails are pointless if it’s just us two. “

 

“ I’ll read them now Connor. _I’m sorry for taking so long..._ “ You couldn’t stop the sudden overproduction of tears streaming down your cheeks. Your head a throbbing mess, and your stomach lurching.

 

You could barely stop yourself from reminiscing either. At this point, you just let everything come to you.

It felt like you were dying with how your life was flashing before you.

 

You bunched up your duvet in one hand, trying to find some comfort in the fuzzy fabric. But there was none.

You were reluctant again. So instead, you thought to yourself, and went back to the very beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> my first shot to a reader-insert!  
> ive been getting lowkey obsessed with dear evan hansen that i just had to contribute in some way!  
> the second i saw connor, i immediately thought to myself, " yes, this is the one i'll write about. "  
> there wasnt enough about connor's actual personality, so i thought i'd take a spin on what i think he was like prior to the events of the musical. 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy!


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